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Depression - Discussion Thread



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Depression - Discussion Thread
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anime_queen
Li Syaoran


Joined: 06 Sep 2003
Posts: 5098
Location: Wollongong, NSW

PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
@Baxy - It's a weird and tiering feeling lol...I guess this is what I deserved at my own parrel because of all the stupid things my past friends had to put up with and now I'm feeling like I owe them an apology a million times over.
It happens at interviews as well, this behaviour. I just had an interview a few weeks back and I was trying hard to be really positive but their were all these other annoying thoughts like doubt and whether I'm good looking enough for this job and whether the person interviewing me is liking me at all.
Also, at Work for the Dole, Im having an awesome time with the people whom Im talking to and all I can think when Im looking into their eyes is whether they hate me and grrrIt has to stop!
Its just not a healthy way to think at all.

Basically, I need to find the strength and understanding to forgive myself and everything that's happened and move forward.
My ultimate goal would be to just be myself, accept myself the good and bad and re-gain confidence so I can be positive and a great person to be around with.
I blame myself for everything in the end and my own problems are caused because I made them and again; this is something I have to accept.

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Tachikoma
Shiki Tohno


Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Posts: 5320
Location: Section-9, Melbourne

PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
AQ, I don't really know much about you, but from what I can gather from your posts, you don't seem to be egocentric at all (as you have put it earlier). I think you are hyper conscious about yourself, which puts you into a different category. Ego is just a form of vanity. Self consciousness on the other hand is a constant preoccupation with mannerism, often driven by the desire of not to offend, the desire to project a positive image, and most of all, to hide one's personality flaws. These are not necessary bad things. The trick is not focus too much on these intricacies.

I'm glad you are trying to change. However, it seems you are still taken up by the past. Especially the issue of getting your friends' trust back, and trying really hard to do thighs right by them. Unfortunately, you are still punishing yourself over it, and that has the hallmark of self consciousness - the very thing you want to keep under control.

I reckon you need to stop giving a toss about people. Seriously.

By that, I don't mean arrogance. It's more to do with being less high-strung about the social consequences of awkward situations, and being less obsessive about how others see you. Caring less about certain things (within reason) is much easier to learn than forcing a change your own persona. No? Smile

I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? Offending someone and never see him/her again? Big f*cking deal. Laugh at their affliction; choose the next sucker. Razz Seriously though, if someone doesn't get your humour, or unable to deal with your persona, you might as well not deal with them in the first place. Chances are you will never get along with them anyway. Don't let that bother you.

The beauty is that you can apply this philosophy to a broad context, including friendships, relationships, formal gatherings like job interviews, etc. The less you care about these intricacies, the more relaxed you will be. The more relaxed you are, more of your natural persona comes out. This makes social situations less tense; not only for you, but also for others around you. Imagine AQ is about chill on the couch at home and watch a DVD. Take that AQ with you everywhere. The good thing about this approach is that people will see who you really are. If they like what they see, they'll stick around and accept the real AQ forever. And that's best thing that could happen for anyone.

Now, if something awkward happens, don't blame yourself. Don't think "maybe I'm inadequate/weird/etc". Never take blame when someone sees you in a negative way. Unless you done something horrible, like stabbing someone in the face, don't be apologetic at all. At the end of the day, you have NO control over what other people think of anyone, let alone you. The reality is that some pricks will always look down on you, irrespective whether you do the right or wrong thing. It all comes down to the quality of each individual's persona, and how compatible you are with them.
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Mad Anime Fan
Banned


Joined: 18 Dec 2004
Posts: 6693
Location: Sydney, Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
@Anime Queen: Where did you get the idea people hate you from, you actually remind me of a friend I know, who is very self conscious of what she says to other people like apologisizes almost every fews mins or so for fear she's said something socially awkward.
A simple fact is(one I know myself nowadays), not everyone gets along with each other for various reasons.
It's only over a matter of time and if you know someone enough, you can tell if they are a real friend or not due to the way they treat you and all that sort of thing.
It's a complex thing that how human relationships between other humans work.
You should try to take life more in your stride and not stress about thoughts in your head all the time, don't let them go on a rampage, sometimes it's justified, but sometimes you have to shut the voices up also Razz

As for burdening people with getting something of your chest like Gouki said, it's one of the best things people can do.
I know so because a girl I'm close, I always encourage her to do that when she might have something on her mind.
Just 2 days back she talked to me about something that getting to her.
Also I would like to say I think of you as a friend, I mean I never hated you, just so you know where some things stand.

Hope that helps or at least adds some weight to previous posts.
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Liete87
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Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 649
Location: Tampa Bay, USA

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Prozac makes everyone happy, give it a go.

http://www.prozac.com/index.jsp

(but don't drink it with alchol or you will die)
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anime_queen
Li Syaoran


Joined: 06 Sep 2003
Posts: 5098
Location: Wollongong, NSW

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
@Tachikoma - Wow, you should be my therapist! Your words made me smile and you're right. I shouldn't be wasting my time caring about what other people think.
But, I'm still scared to make the bold move of being myself; I mean I have tried and it seems to chase people away.
Even, all throughout high school, I've barely had any best friends and I always wanted to know why.

To answer Mad Anime Fan's question; this whole thought came about me about 4 years ago but before that, high school had a pretty big impact on my persona as well.
Throughout, primary school to high school I was constantly picked at for everything and I just got so tired of it.
Didn't really have the guts to tell them to **** off either because I wasn't the type to fight lol...I hated fist fights, it's the one thing I avoided throughout high school.

I'm just extremely weird!

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Gouki
Vanilla H


Joined: 01 Oct 2001
Posts: 6599
Location: Ballarat

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Liete87 wrote:
Prozac makes everyone happy, give it a go.

http://www.prozac.com/index.jsp

(but don't drink it with alchol or you will die)


Well this just somes up America's thoughts on depression.
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Baxy
Misa Amane


Joined: 18 Apr 2003
Posts: 1626
Location: Fortress Brookvale

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I can't think of what to say to help you AQ, I'm not good at that sort of thing at the moment but again what you have said is almost like I'm reading myself so if you say you're extremely weird at least you won't be alone, if that helps a little.
I've also tried being myself in front of people but end up feeling like I just scared them off when I'm standing there by myself.
I was also picked on throughout my school life and I'm not the type to fight it out which people I've mentioned it to say you should of fought back that's the proper way of dealing with it but I think thats rubbish as it will only cause more but no one else agrees.
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Mad Anime Fan
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Joined: 18 Dec 2004
Posts: 6693
Location: Sydney, Australia

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Ah that does explain some small things.
Although I sort of used to get picked but not all the time or got it happening each moment of the day.
And there was rare instance I did defend myself, but I also tried to avoid conflict usually.
It's not weird to think like that.
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JESTER
Ruri Hoshino


Joined: 08 Feb 2002
Posts: 11648
Location: Sydney Suzuki GSX1250FA Rider

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
My younger sister was totally psychotic when we were in our teens and having someone like that in your house 7 days a week made me really angry. It's also because of her, that I became tired of fighting pretty damn quickly unless forced to.

I wouldn't be suprised that my depression was started because of that. It was the first and only time that I punched a girl and straight after that, dad gave me a fist in the face for it.
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HeDanny
Grumpy Old Man


Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 3415
Location: Sale, Vic

PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 12:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I did Roacutane as well. The side effects were pretty brutal, but it was totally worth it in the end. If it has been officially linked to mental instability it would actually asplain a fair bit, however I did ask both my GP and my shrink about this a few years ago, but they both said it was soccer mum bull. As they have both (literally) saved my life a few times over I am bias and tend to believe them.
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StorminNorman
Gillard-chan


Joined: 15 Aug 2001
Posts: 22106
Location: Tolmekia

PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
[Irrelevant offtopic discussion removed. People are again reminded to treat this topic with the sensitivity it deserves.]
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Tachikoma
Shiki Tohno


Joined: 21 Aug 2003
Posts: 5320
Location: Section-9, Melbourne

PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
anime_queen wrote:
@Tachikoma - Wow, you should be my therapist! Your words made me smile and you're right. I shouldn't be wasting my time caring about what other people think.
But, I'm still scared to make the bold move of being myself; I mean I have tried and it seems to chase people away.
Even, all throughout high school, I've barely had any best friends and I always wanted to know why.

What are you doing to chase people way, if you don't mind me asking? Do you lash out at people? Or do you reckon it's because "you are different" that drives people away?

You can't blame yourself for circumstances you have no control of. Particularly when you think are different in some way. Ever occurred to you that maybe the group dynamics in your social circle has changed? As people grow up, they have new priorities, their interests change and all that boring stuff. That doesn't mean [you] are at fault.

anime_queen wrote:
I'm just extremely weird!

What is your definition of weird? Why do you think you are weird? Does it matter? Variety is the spice of life. If everyone was the same, the world would be a boring place. Hence weirdness is not such a bad thing. Personality quirks make people interesting, some might even find it attractive. Wink
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anime_queen
Li Syaoran


Joined: 06 Sep 2003
Posts: 5098
Location: Wollongong, NSW

PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Every time, people ask me that question I can't really come up with an honest answer.
You're right in saying that maybe, I can't accept that people change and grow and then they move on.
In the end, that's all it is...People, just move on and I'm still stuck like a pathetic pup still wanting to be their friend lmao...
I've only ever had one best friend in my whole life and even that turned into a tremendous back stabbing experience.

Maybe, I also don't watch what I say and people get turned off by randomness.
One thing that hit me once, was when I had a 16th birthday party and I invited heaps of people over and we went out for a walk and they stopped by a grave...and I disapproved by their actions because they were stomping all over the graves and I said that what they were doing was wrong and then one of the girls told me that...I have way too many morals (this just goes with other things I disapproved of at the time).
I'm not laid back, I don't let loose and have fun. I think too much about what's going to happen that will get me into trouble instead of living life to its fullest and she was right.

I'm afraid of consequences and it was because of my parents but you know these are all just silly excuses.
My mother in law told me that we all make decisions and it is those decisions that make us who we are.
There is no one to blame but us and I blame myself for a lot of things.
Am I right?
The only reason why I think this way because I'm a scared little sheep!

Guess what I'm still afraid of...I'm still worried about my father getting angry at me?
That's weird...I'm so weak that I still can't stand up against my father?
I live in another state now and I still worry about what he might say that I might have upset him with
It could be nothing lolI talked to him just last night and he was happy to hear from me. But, even then I just wait for him to pick a fight with me ><
I'm also weird because I want to be like so many other people around me who are just so lucky who don't have to be me.

Sorry, Tachikoma youre being so nice and helping me out and so is everyone else but this is just how f***ked up I am.
I have to emotional issues I had to deal with:
My past with my parents and their current action affecting me today and;
My past with myself and how I can overcome this fear with the world being mad at me all because I made stupid errors lol

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poke__egg
Shiina Tamai


Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 4525
Location: a cardboard box with a power cable

PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 12:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
tl;dr


/injoke
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NarutoUzumaki
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 21 Jul 2009
Posts: 102
Location: NSW

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I suffered from depression I don't really have it any more, but it reached it's peak in early 2007, when I was nearly 17. I had dropped out of school, people bullied me, I was seeing others my own age with girls when I couldn't get a girl at the time. It sank me so low so from about January 2007 to about July that year I was so lonely, so isolated and started to hate myself. Shocked

I am way better since then, a lot more happier but I still get moments of depression as those that seen the Feeling Dodgy thread. Embarassed
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Kyoto Hanyo
Nia Teppelin


Joined: 02 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I am now on anti-depressant medication again of the SSRI variety. they have been making me feel a bit weird though and anxious too (I have had a lot of problems with anxiety over the years). Will have to talk to my GP again this week and see what he has to say. Though it's sometimes difficult for them to prescribe the right med for me since it's not just depression that I suffer from.
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Travku
Kagami Hiiragi


Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 3787
Location: Melbourne

PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Kyoto Hanyo wrote:
I am now on anti-depressant medication again of the SSRI variety. they have been making me feel a bit weird though and anxious too (I have had a lot of problems with anxiety over the years). Will have to talk to my GP again this week and see what he has to say. Though it's sometimes difficult for them to prescribe the right med for me since it's not just depression that I suffer from.

Have you considered discussing with your GP maybe trying one of the older tri-cyclic ones? With so much market competition for these medications there are so many products out now that it is becoming a very difficult process for people to find the right medication for them. I have worked with clients who have tried at least 10 different types before finding one to suit their needs and each time they have had to detox from the previous one.
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Kyoto Hanyo
Nia Teppelin


Joined: 02 Nov 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I will talk to him about it. I have taken the same ones at various intervals in the past with fairly good results. I don't know why it's different now. I have a bit of an idea, but not too sure.

I know what you mean about these companies being competitive. The thing that gets me is that people are getting very rich off others' misfortune, Somehow it just doesn't sit right with me.
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JESTER
Ruri Hoshino


Joined: 08 Feb 2002
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 2:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
It's been 8 years since I started this thread and I felt that it's time to see how everyone is.

For me, since my last post, I hit rock bottom depression wise quite a few times. Early/mid last year was the last time, things really hit me. Just like in the past, I was holding too many things as both work and my personal life crashed together. Soo bad that I nearly lost my job, but they knew my history of depression and with my month long motorcycle trip coming up at the time, they gave me a week off instead of sacking me. I spent several days unwilling to leave home and was soo scared of what I was thinking, I gave to my parents my motorcycle key. They had moved back to Sydney a year or 2 before, so were a lot closer. They watched me, but kept their distance, knowing that I needed to shut down mentally and let things settle.

I've worked out a few triggers for my depression that I figured out by talking to my best friend who I've known since highschool. I know that I'll have to face it down again sometime in the future, but like the song by Pillar, I won't end my life without a fight.

A few songs over the years helped me out during this period. I hope that they help you all as well.

Not Without a Fight - Pillar
Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
Pale - Within Temptation
Stand My Ground - Within Temptation
Life Starts Now - Three Days Grace
Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
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homesickclutter
Doraemon


Joined: 10 Nov 2014
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Honestly, my way of dealing with depression is to think positively. Enjoy life and do things that would make me happy instead of getting myself stuck to what I can't change. I realized that no one can help me except myself. Prayers help me get through with depression. I count my blessings rather than my downfalls and entrust it to our creator. Faith in God help me a lot.
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Tachikoma
Shiki Tohno


Joined: 21 Aug 2003
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 9:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
JESTER wrote:
It's been 8 years since I started this thread and I felt that it's time to see how everyone is.

My older self is happier than my younger self that's for sure. No major dramas on my end since i posted in this thread. Smile
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Gouki
Vanilla H


Joined: 01 Oct 2001
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
So. Turns out I don't just have depression, I hit the trifecta of depression, anxiety and bipolar.

The previous eighteen months before probably March were some of the worst of my life. I almost ended up homeless. Before that it was about six months in 2014 when I almost lost everything and was finally properly diagnosed with bipolar. When I first posted in this thread in this thead I was on 20mg of antidepressants, then 40 mg then 50mg. I'm now on 800mg of mood stabilizers.

Thankfully now I'm properly medicated again, I'm back at work and while I'm not where I'd like to be I'm very much not where I was, which is a huge improvement. I also, sometimes, help medicate with weed. Judge me all you want, but it's helpful and it's brilliant. Sometimes it's really nice to feel great and unencumbered by anything.

You know, how did anyone who suffers from mental health problems take Please Like Me? Frank and brutal but illuminating and very funny. Hannah's conversation about feeling beige is so true to life. It is painful to know that I need pills to function. But I'm really glad I still get to function.

And I don't care how much this is a bad "stop looking at the past thing". I miss this place. And I miss you all. And I miss Manifest and meeting up.
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JESTER
Ruri Hoshino


Joined: 08 Feb 2002
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Glad that you're doing better Gouki. I'm mostly under control though a few times, I've had to step back and deal with my issues.

What you've been going thru is a lot worse, but the sufferring is the same. I went thru Ballarat in Feb this year. If I go down there again, I'll have to look you up.
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