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Opinions!!!
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:43 pm    Post subject: Opinions!!! Reply with quote
(I'm not sure if you would consider this fanart but I'll put it here anyway.)

Hey guys. Very Happy
Here's the deal, I'm okay at writing poetry and prose, ect. And my school, at the end of the year, brings out a magazine created by the students, and I've decided to put in a piece of writing. I would appreciate it if you could read over it and give me your honest opinion.
Right this is it:

You and I...
We were together, friends forever.
We smiled and laughed, enjoying the smallest things.

I have these words...
These precious words.....
That could escape from my lips and disappear forever.
So I made them paper butterflies and gave them to...
But you just turned and walked away.....

Please tell me why?

Tell me why I have these words I canít express.
I have wings but canít fly.
Why everything I love turns to ash.
And everything I touch turns black like ink.
Why you left......
Wasnít our friendship enough to sail these seas?
Was it something I didnít say?
Please tell me why...

To burn the past is something Iíll never do,
To abandon you...I donít think I could.
If I walk away now, what happens to you?
Thereís something I wanted to say....
From me to you....
These were the things I couldnít say......But now I can...

We were so fragile back then.
We were connected through a red string around our fingers.
Something no-one could break....

But as we grew, it seemed to stretch.
And before I knew it there was a rift too big to jump.

Deep within my heart I knew this was coming,
Something like this just doesnít happen.
We were so close...
Now weíre so far apart....
Which one of us made this happen?

Could you tell me please?

If I have these wings,
Then Iím meant to fly.
If everything I love turns to ash, then Iíll keep it in a bottle,
Close to my heart.
And if everything I touch turns to ink,
Then let the darkness come.

Did you even notice?

All of us are alive.
For every colour in this world,
There is a feeling to it.
For everyoneís wish,
There is a star in the sky.

Since I have these wings,
Iíll write your name across the sky.
If they burn and I fall like Icarus,
Iíll simply try again.

Since my touch turns to ink,
Iíll paint the sky like the night.
And everyone can have a star,
And you could be my moon.

I think I understand now.

You and I...
Weíre still the best of friends.
Even if we donít talk, Iíll still be here for you.
Since you didnít burn the paper butterflies I gave you,
Weíre still connected.
Even if you donít look at me,
Youíll still be reflected in my heart.

Razz
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I have loved the stars too fondly
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
that was mad you should be a pro writer if i get a girl friend im using it Surprised
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sniping is just like learning goes in one ear and out the other
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kbz333
Kiichi Goto


Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Posts: 5548
Location: lost in my own mind

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
That Satsu, is amazing. Sad yet hopeful. Go for it ♥♥♥
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The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by moment - Babylon 5
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
that was mad you should be a pro writer if i get a girl friend im using it Surprised


I will find where you live, gag you, tie you up, gut you, then feed your liver to my dog. He may not appreciate that taste, but it's the thought that counts.

@Kb - I would've, but I missed my chance in the end D: I designed the whole magazine though, so that counts towards something.

And you all know that this is almost a year old, right? O_o
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I have loved the stars too fondly
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
thanks i'll think about it Very Happy
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
.__.

You don't understand my threat, do you? I'm saying no touchy my works, n00b.
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
fine Crying or Very sad
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Sylontack
Belldandy


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 3245
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
satsuyumi wrote:
.__.

You don't understand my threat, do you? I'm saying no touchy my works, n00b.


*Shifty eyes*

...*poke*...

Stupidity aside, it's actually really good Satsu Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
*Reacts to the poke by shriveling up and crawling back into the darkness.*

Thankies :3

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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
yay Very Happy
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Gothic_Pepsi
Kenji Harima


Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Posts: 1272
Location: Gold Coast.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
yay Very Happy


What are you yaying about? O_o
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
yay Very Happy


Get off of my lawn, yah' newbie .__.

Satsu says this while sharpening a knife, and giving you the evil eye from her rocking chair on her front porch.
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
are you going to kill me Neutral
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Gothic_Pepsi
Kenji Harima


Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Posts: 1272
Location: Gold Coast.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
are you going to kill me Neutral


If your lucky. Usually she likes to play a game. You have 60 seconds to reach a key, before the timer goes off and bad things happen. Or maybe that was some old guy I was thinking of...
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
are you going to kill me Neutral


Depends really. If you persist to post in this old thread with nothing but spam, I may have to .__.

Satsu begins to polish her shotgun.

Also, keep off the grass.
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I have loved the stars too fondly
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
no way you have a shotgun

R.I.P to bleach elite 1995-2010 Crying or Very sad
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Gothic_Pepsi
Kenji Harima


Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Posts: 1272
Location: Gold Coast.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
no way you have a shotgun

R.I.P to bleach elite 1995-2010 Crying or Very sad


No way you have a brain.
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
not really look at my signature Confused
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Sylontack
Belldandy


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 3245
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
R.I.P to bleach elite 1995-2010 Crying or Very sad


No way you're older than me...
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speedfreek19
Itsuki Koizumi


Joined: 21 Oct 2004
Posts: 14599

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
But the maturity levels are like black and white.
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bleach elite
Hajime Saitou


Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 126
Location: sydney N.S.W Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
finally lm older then someone Very Happy
thank you madchild
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Gothic_Pepsi
Kenji Harima


Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Posts: 1272
Location: Gold Coast.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
finally lm older then someone Very Happy
thank you madchild


And yet, you are still the youngest on the boards.
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satsuyumi
Koyomi Mizuhara


Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: Oh, somewhere around here. I think.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
bleach elite wrote:
finally lm older then someone Very Happy
thank you madchild


Please stop that, that thing you do where you type words and post it, it's become bothersome.
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Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light
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Gothic_Pepsi
Kenji Harima


Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Posts: 1272
Location: Gold Coast.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
And makes you look... "special"
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Sylontack
Belldandy


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 3245
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Gothic_Pepsi wrote:
And makes you look... "special"


I'm sorry but nobody can take that title from me.

Also let's all shut up or stay on topic, unless Satsu wants this thread locked.
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Sylontack
Belldandy


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 3245
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
ignore zis~
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